Okay, some feedback now that comment moderation is finally off.
First, this is too short. An essay should be 400-450 words– as explained int he syllabus and rubric, of course not including the biblio.
Second, do not use this fake footnote format, use in-text citations as explained in class documents (the syllabus, the citation and chicago guidelines uploaded to canvas). If you do not format this correctly, you’re losing points for no reason.
Third, bibliography entry for Kim’s SINGLE AUTHOR book has multiple errors. Fix them.
Fourth, using a dictionary definition when you’ve got required and optional readings ON THIS TOPIC is a waste. You should be using the definitions contained in the readings, which are specific to the context of this class. Online dictionaries are for high school (middle school?) papers, not university level academic writing assignments.
Fifth, time and date stamp on your blog is wrong, this can cause the person grading to think you were submitting after the deadline.
Sixth, the content of the essay and the structure should be revised and improved while fixing the other problems mentioned above. If it is revised before the deadline, your score will be much higher.
Hi Dr. Saeji, did you mean the time and date stamp as in the one that shows beside your name when you leave a comment? If so, then we have changed to the right Vancouver time and date. However, it seems like the past posts or comments cannot be edited after all. Sorry for the confusion!
Zoe, overall this is not bad. It would be better to have a shorter intro paragraph that clearly states your argument at the end, this intro seems to be a bit long and not so focused because you’ve got some sentences that are not actually helping you, they’re just fluffing. If you can figure out how to edit better, that would be good, as I am the one scoring this group for discussion 2. Also the MA thesis by Kim is not referenced correctly in the bibliography (the style must be the same as for a PhD dissertation), and an MA thesis is only a student paper, it’s not an academic source, and it cannot be relied on like a published academic article or book chapter.
Block B 
checking
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Okay, some feedback now that comment moderation is finally off.
First, this is too short. An essay should be 400-450 words– as explained int he syllabus and rubric, of course not including the biblio.
Second, do not use this fake footnote format, use in-text citations as explained in class documents (the syllabus, the citation and chicago guidelines uploaded to canvas). If you do not format this correctly, you’re losing points for no reason.
Third, bibliography entry for Kim’s SINGLE AUTHOR book has multiple errors. Fix them.
Fourth, using a dictionary definition when you’ve got required and optional readings ON THIS TOPIC is a waste. You should be using the definitions contained in the readings, which are specific to the context of this class. Online dictionaries are for high school (middle school?) papers, not university level academic writing assignments.
Fifth, time and date stamp on your blog is wrong, this can cause the person grading to think you were submitting after the deadline.
Sixth, the content of the essay and the structure should be revised and improved while fixing the other problems mentioned above. If it is revised before the deadline, your score will be much higher.
LikeLike
Hi Dr. Saeji, did you mean the time and date stamp as in the one that shows beside your name when you leave a comment? If so, then we have changed to the right Vancouver time and date. However, it seems like the past posts or comments cannot be edited after all. Sorry for the confusion!
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Why can’t we see a way to comment under discussion 2?
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Zoe, overall this is not bad. It would be better to have a shorter intro paragraph that clearly states your argument at the end, this intro seems to be a bit long and not so focused because you’ve got some sentences that are not actually helping you, they’re just fluffing. If you can figure out how to edit better, that would be good, as I am the one scoring this group for discussion 2. Also the MA thesis by Kim is not referenced correctly in the bibliography (the style must be the same as for a PhD dissertation), and an MA thesis is only a student paper, it’s not an academic source, and it cannot be relied on like a published academic article or book chapter.
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Thank you, Dr. Saeji, I will work on the intro paragraph and fix the bibliography.
Zoe
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